What it's like to be the loyal one...

I'm a loyal person by nature.  I get this quality from my dad.  From an early age, I was taught to let my 'yes be yes' and my 'no be no'.  Integrity and loyalty are valued more than gold in my family and my dad made damned sure to instill those qualities in his children.  He made sure that we followed through on our commitments and he didn't allow us to do anything half-ass.  I thank God for that because it has helped shape me into the person I am today. I know that if the shit hits the fan, I can depend on my family to be there for me when I need them.

Because of this instilled quality, I'm slow to open up to people and make friends, but once I do and decide to consider a person my friend, I'm in it for the long haul.  I hope that my friends know that they can call on me any time and that I'll be there for them in the good and the bad.  I hate breaking promises and I get completely torn up if I have to cancel an already made plan - I cannot stand letting people down.

Sometimes, though, friendships just don't work out.  Sometimes after a while you realize that a friend is toxic. I may be loyal, but I also have enough self-respect to cut ties whenever someone keeps handing me the scissors.

Loyal people are used to being taken advantage of.  Here are just a few examples of what loyal people tend to experience: 

• The annoyance that follows whenever flaky friends don't feel the need to ever return phone calls or texts.  In fact, some friends are so flaky that they'll even stand you up.  And if they do show up, they're an hour late.  We all run late at times.  I know I do, more than I care to admit.  However, a loyal person will always text you to let you know that she will be running late because she values your time as much as her own.  And even though she is busy (aren't we all?), she will carve out 30 seconds of her time to text you back, even if it's a day or two late.
• All take, no give.  We've all had that one friend who constantly asks for favors without any intention of being there for you when you need them.  For example, I once helped care for a friend's children and cleaned her house on multiple occasions while she helped take care of another friend who was going through a serious illness.  I did all of this simply because she was my friend.  However, when I was going through an extremely stressful move, this same friend was no where to be found.  In fact, she altogether disappeared.  Several months later when she finally did call me, it was to ask if I knew of any good tailors in the area -- and also to tell me about her latest accomplishments and how much weight she lost (and, no, she didn't ask how I was doing).  Sigh.
• Becoming someone's scapegoat.  The hurt that comes from someone taking out their frustrations on an you runs deep.  I can only guess that people do this because they believe they can say and do whatever they wish to their loyal friend without any repercussions.  After all, you're loyal so they know you're not going anywhere.  We're all guilty of taking out our frustrations on others at times to some extent, however, some make this a habit and that's when things become unhealthy.  No one wants to be someone's verbal punching bag.

If you're the friend or relative of a loyal person, please allow me to give you a little advice:

Loyalty is rare.  It hurts whenever you are the person on the receiving end of such carelessness.  When this happens, bitterness often looms around the corner.  If I'm not careful, I will put up walls around my heart in order to protect myself and not let anyone in.  At times I try to convince myself that it is safer to be alone.  However, that's no way to live.  There is no joy or life in that.  

So instead, I choose to open my heart and continue to let people in.  I choose my friends carefully and distance myself from those who bring toxicity into my life.  I'm learning to forgive and to move on.  I'm also learning not to be so sensitive and not to expect more from someone than what they're able to give.  That's been the hardest lesson of all, I think.  Some people simply aren't capable of putting much into a relationship and that's okay.  I learn who those folks are and then I'm not so disappointed by them anymore.

If you have a loyal friend, be grateful for her.  She'll be there for you when you need a friend and she'll always eventually return your calls :)  She'll laugh with you when you're happy and cry with you when you're sad.  If you let her, she'll help you carry your burdens when they are too heavy to bear.

And one day, she may need you, too.  One day, she'll begin to falter under the weight of her own burdens and she'll need you to help lift her up.

Life is hard. Being a person is hard.  Let's be there for one another and love each other.

"Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their labor;

If either of them falls down,

one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

and has no one to help them up."

- Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

-L